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Florida Panhandlers Shower Accolades on Colleague

Tallahassee, FL-- "The time for thinking outside the box has come!" 

That was the rallying war-cry for the Florida PanHandlers' Coalition attendee, Joseph Curry, at Tallahassee's most recent "Panhandling in the Panhandle" Beg-a-Con 2004, held this year under the lower 42nd St. Bridge.

Curry, 46, says he has been working Lewis Ave. in the South Side with a vengeance "even before it was called Crackhead Street."  With little results.

"I remember" recalls Curry, "when you could flash any old dilapidated sign, and the gravy would just pour in, just like water off a duck's ass." he added, mixing his metaphors and similes.

He continued, "Now, (coughs) the money is barely at a trickle (hacking cough ensues). I think people have wisened up.  I think they're wanting a new kind of sign."

Curry pointed out that the corrugated cardboard signs of yesteryear are becoming a thing of the past--and modern panhandlers of today need to start "using their heads" to find new, technologically-advanced signage materials.

"Just think about it.  People are used to HDTWhatever and Hi-Fi's, they're gonna want to know that the folks they're giving their hard-earned coins to are savvy to what's hip.  Me?  I'm using either MDF (a type of paper composite used in furniture making), or a nice Masonite.  It gives my signs a slick, 'come-hither' look.  Plus, here in Florida you can usually find some laying around construction sites or floating in stagnant puddles after the floods."

And fellow panhandler, Hank "the Stank" Sorrenson, 42 and friendless, agrees.

"Just look at what they're doing in Wichita." Hank said, referring to the experiment by the Kansas Quarter-Mongers Committee, in which they secretly switched the signs of 40 blind panhandlers.  The study estimated that the 20 possessing the experimental slate signs experienced a 50% increase in hand-outs than the control group that held only paper signs.

"I say, if it works for Joe and the State of Kansas, it's gotta work for the rest of us." Hank added.

Either way, things are looking pretty sweet for Curry. For his provocative, if not controversial, innovations, the BegACon 2004 coordinators awarded Curry their highest award, the Great Thinkers in Coin Acquisition statue.

The award, made of chocolate, macaroni, and crayons, seemed to glisten in the hands of Curry, who found his share of the 15 minutes of fame that so many people that have homes talk so much about.